Day 35

I am exhausted. Boo is sick -- the dreaded h1n1 -- and so is exH. Lulu stayed home from school today, but she's OK. I am somehow not sick, at least not yet. I am going to be so upset if I am sick for our Disney trip next week!
So with the sick kids at home (and wow, is Boo whiny!) and craziness at work, it's been hard to focus on the happiness stuff. But here's what I've got ...

1. New Moon. Loved this movie! Not only did it provide a desperately needed escape from the house, but it so perfectly captured the heart of the book.

2. Christmas shopping: done! Boo's birthday is covered, too. It's so nice not to be racing around ordering at the last minute (and spending too much). Lulu and Boo will have a great Christmas and I didn't spend (much) more than I planned.

3. Starbucks' new Caramel Brulee Latte: Not quite as perfect as the beloved Gingerbread Latte, but very, very close.

4. Light Ranch dressing, which I have been scooping up on raw veggies by the cup-full.

5. Our new Christmas jammies: Lulu, Boo, and I all have matching red-and-white penguin pjs. How cute is that? I will be sad when they no longer think that's adorable.

Day 21: Fine, Be That Way!

I gotta be honest. Happiness is in short supply these days. I'm not miserable, mind you, I'm just ... well ... fine. It's hard to blog about fine. Fine isn't exciting. Fine isn't surprising. Fine isn't insightful or moving or meaningful. It's, you know, FINE.

Though now that I think about it, I ought to be grateful for fine. Because a year ago? I was NOT FINE. I was miserable. Pretty much every day. I was sad and exhausted and depressed. My marriage was over, but no one could quite admit it (except, I'll bet, our marriage counselor, who was the least surprised person on earth when we separated). Work was overwhelming and stressful. I wasn't giving 100% to the kids, in fact, I barely even remember Boo's second birthday except that the ex and I had a particularly awful fight the night before. Last Christmas is a complete blur. Anyway. Fine isn't so bad now that I remember what it was like to be definitively NOT FINE.

Moving on ... since we're a bit lacking in moments of happiness right now, today we're going to focus instead on a few things that make me happy.

1. LOVE THIS!
I need to keep this at my desk and hand them out liberally. Not that I am a paragon of fashion or anything, but I work at a place where anything other than shorts/jeans with a t-shirt makes people wonder if you're interviewing.

2. Likewise this one. I could order these in bulk. Which might get me fired, but it would be so worth it!

3. Clarisonic Mia: http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P245414&cm_mmc=us_search-_-GoogleBase-_-P245414-_-1201904&_requestid=42976&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=1201904

At my dentist's insistance, I bought a Sonicare toothbrush earlier this year. I was amazed at how much better my teeth looked and felt after just one use. The Clarisonic does the exact same thing for your face.

Day 13: It Could Be Worse!

This is my motto for 2009 ... it could be worse. Because this has not been the best year of my life. Things have gone wrong. My marriage ended. Money has been in short supply. The real estate market continues to suck. I turned 35. Lulu started a new school. Boo had to adjust to not having her at his side every day. Work has been frustrating. We've all had to get used to a new schedule, earlier wake-up times, visits from Dad three times a week, and really, a whole new life.

But ... you know what? We HAVE adjusted, the bills are getting paid, life as a single mom turns out to not be all that different from life as a terminally unhappy wife of an uninterested, unengaged partner (actually, it's SO much better!), Lulu and Boo are both healthy, happy, and thriving in school, I have a job. I'm still 35, but aside from that, it's not so bad. And it could be a whole lot worse.



With that said, here are some recent moments of happiness ...

1. My bed. Shortly after exH moved out, I purchased a new mattress. All in all, I took the separation in stride -- the timing of it was a bit of a shock, but the fact of it was inevitable -- except for the bed. I could not sleep in that bed one more night. I went out one night and ordered my dream bed -- a luxurious king-size memory foam behemoth that took two very large men about half an hour to wrestle up a single flight of stairs. (It was cold you see, and memory foam in the cold becomes unfortunately brick-like in consistency.) I am still paying off the bed (24 months! no interest!), but I do not regret it for a moment. It's big enough for the three of us to snuggle in while watching cartoons, reading books, or having a little sleepover like we did last night. Not that I slept much, mind you, with Boo's feet stuck in my back, but there is something sweet and satisfying in a primitive sort of way about all of us sleeping in the same bed. Don't get me wrong -- I am very glad every one is back in their own beds tonight! -- but once in awhile, I can't resist.

2. Slinky. I bought Lulu and Boo Halloween-themed Slinkys at Target today on clearance. They loved them and seemed thrilled when I told them I had one as a little girl. It's fun when they embrace something I loved as a child (see below, The Little Prince).

3. Good friends. I am not great at friendship. It takes work and energy and as much as I love my friends, it's tough for me to summon up enough energy to reach out and carry my end of the relationship. I have lost so many wonderful friends over the years ... job changes, marriages, moves across the country, new babies all make it harder to stay in touch and as much as I hate myself for it, I just don't. Still, I am so lucky to have a few special friends who stay with me anyway. These are the kinds of people who, even when you don't talk to them for months or (yes it happens) years, still know you and can pick up right where you left off. There may be some catching up and filling in to do, but the core of the friendship is still solid. I called one of these friends the other night and just hearing her voice made me feel better. She knows me so well even though we only talk every few months and see each other once or twice a year. I caught up with another friend this afternoon and it was exactly the same. I was instantly at home with her, filling her in on the latest, chatting with her little daughter, who was once Lulu's best friend. I invited them over next weekend ... I hope we'll stay in touch more often than we have the past few years.

Day 9: The Problem With Blogging About Happiness

Another not-so-happy day here, which is a problem when you're trying to blog about happiness because it feels a bit like failure and failure definitely does NOT make me happy! But while it was a stressful day, it wasn't all bad, I guess. Here were a few bright spots.

1. Preschoolers in costumes. I went to Boo's preschool Halloween event this morning. It involves about 20 2- to 5-year-olds in costume traipsing en masse around campus and gathering candy. Boo wore his very cute and cuddly dinosaur costume, despite earlier protests. Peer pressure can be a force for good -- once he saw his friends all dressed up, he popped on his little green hood and didn't say another word about it. Some of the kids had adorable homemade costumes -- an ice-cream cone, Max from Wild Things, one little boy was a "lost soul"! Boo's was store-bought and he couldn't have been cuter. Even with his ferocious dinosaur roar.

2. Coffee. Especially delicious, sugar-laden coffee like Caramel Macchiatos, Peppermint Mochas, and Gingerbread Lattes. A good coffee treat can't turn a bad day around, but it can make it a little more bearable.

3. Boo and Lulu's mutual admiration society. Yes, they fight and squabble and refuse to share and call each other names and on and on ... and on. But, they also share a room by choice, love each other more than anyone else except *maybe* me (on a good day), and now? They want "twin birthdays." Boo's birthday is 3 weeks before Christmas and Lulu's is 3 weeks after, and this year they want to celebrate with a joint party. Their dad thought this was crazy (likely scarred from life as the third of four kids), but it was their idea, not mine. They are in separate schools this year and miss each other terribly, so I think they just want to share the things they can.

4. Halloween candy. Boo scored some Red Hots today, which I promptly swiped. A rare find! Tootsie Rolls are also at the top of my list!

Day 7: Un-Happy Days

I think the lesson of the day is that some days just aren't happy days. It's tough to find moments of joy in a day that began at 3 am, when I woke up to find Lulu throwing up in her bathroom, looking so sad and pathetic. I tucked her in to my bed, but neither of us went back to sleep. We watched "Little House on the Prairie" instead. I've read "Little House in the Big Woods" to Lulu and Boo, so she knew the characters enough to follow along and it distracted her for awhile. But soon enough, she got sick again, so no sleep. I packed Boo off to school (in tears because he had to ride with Nana instead of me, but Lulu was too sick to go in the car) in hopes that Lulu and I could finally sleep, but no luck. She eventually crashed, but I had calls for work and didn't get to rest.

My only true moment of happiness today? Lulu kept down the chicken soup I fed her for dinner, and maybe, just maybe, she will be able to go to school tomorrow. At the very least, I hope she sleeps through the night. For my sake and hers.

P.S. Just thought of one! "Gossip Girl" is on tonight! There, that's something.

Day 6

Not even a week in and I've already missed a few days! It's been a busy weekend ... I had a date on Friday night and two tired little ones (resulting in a very tired mama) Saturday night. But let's get back on track with the happiness posts.

1. Good first dates. Jeff was very nice, sincere, and a good conversationalist. I liked him a lot, though I'm not sure there's any romantic attraction. But we have a lot in common and it was a fun first date, not at all awkward.

2. Fall festivals. A friend's son had his 5th birthday at a big festival today and despite some whining from Lulu, we had a great time. The highlight was the hayride -- a last-minute decision as we were heading out.

3. Freedom to skip out when we need to makes me happy (or at least less stressed!). We had plans to attend a Halloween party at Lulu's school last night, but it was rainy and miserable and both kids were tired, so we made the call to stay home. I felt bad because we had rsvp'd yes and I was looking forward to the kids getting to wear their costumes, but I don't think it would have gone well if I'd tried to force it.

4. Bengal Spice tea. I have been fighting off a cold the past week and a big mug of hot spiced tea with a generous squeeze of honey has been heavenly.

5. Naps. Lulu is a great napper -- she's almost 6 and still crashes for 2+ hours on the weekends. Boo, not so much. He usually fights naps to the point where he doesn't sleep at all, and believe me, he needs the rest! They slept beautifully both days this weekend -- and so did I!

6. Ambien. I don't take it often, and when I do, I cut the tiny little 10 mg pills in half, but every so often I need it and I am so glad to have it.

Day 3: Happiness in Unexpected Places

People like to say that you learn something new every day, but let's be honest. Most days, you talk to the same people, drive along the same routes, and follow the same routine. Not a lot of opportunity for discovery there. So that's why new revelations delight me so much. Here are a few NEW things I've learned lately:

1. There is a little tab on the sides of the box of of Saran Wrap, aluminum foil, waxed paper, etc. If you push the tabs in, they hold the roll in place. Genius! How many years have I not known this?

2. Probably the same number of years that I have not known about the Rinse cycle on the dishwasher. I have had a dishwasher for, oh, the past 20 years, I bet, and I never noticed this. You can push it and (on mine at least) it rinses your dishes for 10 minutes. We only run the dishwasher a couple of times a week, so this keeps it from getting all smelly and crusty between uses. Also genuis!

3. No-water Chai. I love Starbucks Chai, but every so often it comes out all watery instead of yummy and spicy. Turns out you can order it without water ... voila! No water = no watery Chai!

Who knew happiness could come in such small, unexpected ways?