The Secret to a Happy Divorce

ExH and I, 95% of the time, get along pretty well. It took a few months after he moved out, but we got to a good place where we could not only tolerate each other, we actually like each other again. We share cute stories about the kids and go out for birthday dinners as a family. He's been supportive of my dating again; I listened to his breakup woes and even offered advice on winning the cheatee back. So that's 95% of the time. The other 5%? Well, we act a lot like I imagine every other divorced or separated couple does. We fight over money. We get on each other's nerves. Right now, as we try to come to some agreement on our divorce filing, I kinda hate him and I'm sure my spot on his list of favorite people is in jeopardy.

Still, I have had so many people marvel over how "good" we are at all this. Friends and coworkers who've gotten divorced (and some who I suspect are pondering it) frequently quiz me, trying to uncover our secrets. But you know what? The only real secret is that I don't love him anymore. The cheating? Awful to discover, but likely the best gift he ever gave me. Because for years, I wanted out but was too scared to leave. I worried about money, and thought I had to stick it out for the kids. You see, my father died when I was 8 and I couldn't bring myself to make a choice that would take my kids away from their dad. But when he cheated, he made the choice for me and there was no going back. And as much as I hate what he did, I am also profoundly grateful. He gave me a way out. And while I don't love him anymore, I owe him some thanks for the little shred of hope I now have that my future is going to be so much better than I could have imagined a few years ago when I felt trapped in a miserable marriage.