Today's post is another one that has been bouncing around my head in the few hours when I am not working, sleeping, or browsing the Internet. It's about what it means to be happy and whether or not happiness is something you can choose.
I thought for a long, long time that happiness was somehow handed to you. Something that if you were nice and smart and tried to do the right things would just settle down upon you gracefully, like a light dusting of snow.
That didn't work out so well. So now what?
Now, I think you can choose happiness. Not to say that it's always easy. I have an exH who may or may not actually hate me, but who is at least deeply angry at me. And who hasn't paid a penny in child support since June. My "emergency" savings is quickly dwindling. I am chronically overtired from working full-time plus doing extra freelance to make ends meet, taking care of the house and two adorable but needy kids, and trying to squeeze in a little bit of a life with P. There's a lot in my day-to-day life that isn't a whole lot of fun. I don't always feel all that happy.
But on the flip side, I've got two adorable, healthy kids who are needy because they know I am the parent they can count on 100%. ExH is awful to me, but at least he loves Lulu and Boo. And I don't have to live with him anymore. I may not have much extra money, but the freelance job (courtesy of WW of all people) is certainly a blessing. Work is overwhelming, but challenging. And at least I have a boyfriend who loves me (and actually says it, which I never thought would happen). He even gave me my own drawer this weekend. P's transformation from a die-hard commitment-phobic bachelor into a legitimate "I love you"-saying, drawer-giving boyfriend? Who says there's no such thing as miracles?
So what's not to be happy about?
Monday, November 22, 2010
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How funny that giving you a drawer feels like a bigger step to me than using the L word. That's huge news, and happy news, too!
ReplyDeleteI live by the idea that everyone gets to choose to be happy. If I didn't have that power, I promise you I would have died a long time ago. One of my parenting goals is to make sure my kids know that they are in control of what they get out of life.
Oh R., I want to hug you. (you too, Miss Tif) What spoke to me in your post was this "at least I don't have to live with him anymore." For years somebody tried to rob me of whatever little happiness I could muster. Having him out of my house is a blessing.
ReplyDeleteHealthy, happy, loved, unspoiled children are such a blessing and our American lavishness works against this. Kudos to you for raising creative, grateful kids, and I hope you enjoy the opportunity to nurture that.
You have a great job in a crummy economy. You have a beau who LOVES you, who appreciates you, who breaks out of his comfort zone because he thinks YOU are so wonderful. Your mom adores you and will clearly do anything for you and those precious little ones.
Girl, you got it going ON!
Wow, I just blogged on this last Sunday (turned into quite a lot of back and forth on it in the comments section!), and firmly agree. you CAN choose happiness. So glad you agree and see that. It's huge in the moving forward process, from anything. (http://tbdetermined.wordpress.com/2010/11/21/happiness-is-choosing-it-and-realizing-it/)
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