Tough Calls

Decisions I never thought I'd have to make a few years ago ...
1. Whether to spend Thanksgiving with my ex who hates me (Yes, sigh.)
2. When, if ever, to allow my boyfriend to spend the night while the kids were home (Last Sat.)
3. Whether or not to discuss decision#2 with the aforementioned exH beforehand (No way Jose!)

Yeah, single parenting is a bit trickier than I imagined. Especially once there are new significant others to consider. If you had asked me this time last year, or even a couple of months ago, I would have said that I'd never have a boyfriend spend the night when my kids were home. And to be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure it was the right decision. I AM 100% sure there will be some consequences when exH hears about it.

But, P and I are turning into something more real than we were before and I'm not as content to keep my life with him separate from the rest of my world as I was before. More and more, I want him to know Lulu and Boo outside of the occasional visit. I want him to know me in a different way -- not just as a colleague and a girlfriend, but as a mother, too. After all, if there's ever a next step for us -- if there's ever even to be a conversation about next steps -- we both need to know if he can be part of my whole world, if he even wants to. It's a lot to ask of someone, a lot he would have to change. I don't know if I could change that much for someone else, frankly.

All that makes it sound like I gave this decision careful consideration. Which I confess I didn't. It was getting late on Sat. night, we had a nice fire going in the fireplace, and P was getting sleepy. It seemed silly to send him home, so I asked him if he felt comfortable staying. And you know what, it was FUN having him stay over. Everyone seemed comfortable and relaxed. P stuck around until noon -- far later than I expected. The kids had fun playing with him. So I'm glad I did it, even if it might not have been the "right" thing to do.

As for Thanksgiving, after some drama on Monday and Tuesday, the day itself was smooth sailing. All it required were a few lies on my part to smooth things out with exH and assure him we all wanted him to come to dinner. It's only going to get harder, though. Someday exH or I will want to spend holidays with the kids, but not with each other. We'll have to start taking turns with them, which means there will come a holiday when I'm not with my kids. I'm not looking forward to that day.