Another Day, Another Drama

Where to start? The past week has been a blur of late nights, drunken confessions, issues with P, and continuing house drama. So bear with me while I give a few updates before digging into the heart of today's dilemmas.

The Ex Files, Day 11
Since I was barely home this week (see above on late nights), exH wasn't able to cause any real problems. There was a brief moment of panic when I thought he might not sign the formal separation papers. He did, and I was both relieved and exhausted. He left today for a trip and I am so thrilled to have my house back for five whole days!

Why I Don't Drink at Work Events
This week was our annual company meeting, where 250ish professionals act like frat boys for a night. I'm not usually one of them, but between the separation papers getting signed that day, dinner being served way too late, and some unbearably boring pre-dinner speakers, somehow I got myself quite drunk. And spilled the beans about me and P to one of the guys who works for him and to P's and my mutual boss. Not well, as P would say (and did). At the party, he claimed not to be upset, but the next day, he was pissed. I never figured out exactly why because plenty of people at work have seen us out together and know we're a couple. I think he mostly felt uneasy about me talking about him period. That's fair. I definitely regret those conversations. We made up about it, but something is not quite right ... stay tuned for a paragraph or two.

The Home Front
I still don't have a house. There's really not much to report except that the only house I love is one I can't comfortably afford. So do I stretch for a year or so until I get a raise and pay down some debt? Or do I give up on buying and rent (provided I can find a rental in the right school district, which is also iffy). I think I'm going to make one final offer and see what happens. One way or another, I've got to resolve this soon for my peace of mind.

And Now, Decision Time
Something's not right with P. But, we've known that for awhile, right? I heard some more gossip about him and our coworker (if you're just joining us, he is VERY close with a married coworker but swears nothing is going on) that made my stomach turn. It factored into our fight on Saturday and even though I am 97% sure I believe him, something's just not right. Maybe they aren't involved, but they are more than casual friends for sure, and I just feel there is something he's not telling me. So every time I hear something about them, that 3% doubt just gnaws away at me more and more. I don't want to stay with someone who starts out the relationship keeping things from me. There are other things that make me uneasy, too. I'm in this for real, but I'm not at all sure whether he is and many of my doubts stem from that.

But, I'm also not sure I'm ready to move on yet. I have real feelings for this guy, and if I'm going to end it, I have to be sure it's the right decision. I guess that means a(nother) conversation with him about it, and those never go well. Still, I owe it to myself and him to man up and talk about it face to face, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us both.