My Favorite Mistake

I've been so busy with the house purchase (so much paperwork!) and the divorce (more paperwork!) that I've neglected to obsess over P for a week or two! Not completely, of course (you do know me better than that, don't you?). There was a few days where some idle gossip -- from R, no less! -- sent me back into drama-land. But R redeemed himself with perhaps the best relationship advice anyone has ever given me. At the height of my "are they or aren't they" freakout over P and his work wife (WW), R said: This isn't about her. It's about you and P. Period. Take her out of the equation.

And he was totally right. Whatever they are or aren't has been going on (or not) for seven years. No amount of obsessive fretting on my part is going to change that. The only thing I can do is decide ... do I trust P or not?

And yes, I do. Here's why ... he's not yet given me a reason not to. And I refuse to go through life starting from a position of fear and suspicion. Have I been hurt before by someone I trusted? Yeah, absolutely. Will it happen again? I'd put money on it. But I am making an active, thoughtful choice to be a trusting, loving person and accept any consequences that follow because the alternative -- allowing myself to become bitter and doubting and closed off -- is far worse.

Plus, P has patiently answered every question I've asked about WW, he has been open with me about their history and the nature of their relationship, and he's told several of his closest work friends about us. I would guess that most of our colleagues (at least any who care!) know by now, so he's certainly not trying to hide me from her.  Most important, P is a good person. He's an odd guy and he's got some issues, but he's a good person who tries to make good decisions. So I am trusting him until he gives me a reason not to.


P and I were hanging out the other day on the balcony as he was smoking a pipe (a habit I was startled to discover I don't hate) and he joked that I needed a vice of my own. I shot back: you're my vice. And then I realized how true that is. P is absolutely my guilty pleasure. Something I know (or at least suspect) may not be good for me in the long run, but that I want anyway just because it makes me feel good right now. Maybe P will never be the loving husband and involved step-dad that I someday want for us, but he's fun and funny and interesting and smart and good in bed. I'm willing to concede that he may ultimately be a mistake. But he's definitely my favorite mistake so far.