Of Conflicts and Cats

How do you deal with conflict? Are you passive, aggressive, passive aggressive, somewhere in between? I used to believe I was conflict-averse, but I think I was just afraid of what people would think if I spoke my mind. Now that I no longer give a shit what people think (affairs, divorce, and dating a coworker tend to get you past that fairly effectively, and xanax helps too, not that I am recommending any of those options), I find that I'm pretty comfortable and open with conflict. Most of the time.

I worry about this in relation to other people in my life. P is pretty passive. Not passive aggressive, fortunately, but highly uncomfortable with any sort of conflict. He will do pretty much anything not to deal with it. It worries me because I don't always know when he's frustrated or upset and occasionally that will cause a blowup. I also worry because I think he will never have the balls (or "chilattes" as a friend's 5-year-old son recently called them) to break up with me, even if/when he should. P could be all but married to someone else before he'd get up the nerve to tell me. So, yeah, that could be a problem.

ExH is the poster boy for passive aggressiveness. It comes out in funny ways, like leaving my kitchen a mess every single time he's at my house. Dirty dishes, crap spilled on the counters, odd bowls of half-eaten mystery food in the fridge. He knows it pisses me off because I have told him and asked (nicely!!) if he wouldn't mind cleaning up just a bit. But still, he does it every time. I'm trying to get past it because it's sure better than having him berate me with 12 years of wrongs (real and imagined) that I have done him. And I'm not entirely unfamiliar with the sinister joy of a true passive aggressive gesture. I did somehow end up getting two cats over the past year even though (or was it because ...?) he's highly allergic. Willa (left) and Molly sure aren't telling!