End of the Road

I think P and I are done. I say I think because we haven't stuck with either of our past breakups, but this time feels different. No matter how much he cares for me, even loves me, he's not in love with me, and I need that. There's no one to blame -- he feels how he feels. It's just not enough. The rational part of me knows there's no hope and that I need to move on. The rest of me? Is absolutely miserable. It's a sad day when you have to put on extensive eye makeup so that when your ex drops off your children, it won't be immediately obvious you've been crying for the last 14 hours.

I hate breakups. I hate starting over. I hate feeling (even more) alone. I hate that I will have to see him every day. I hate that people at work will eventually know. I hate that Boo (and even Lulu) might miss him. I hate that we'll have to somehow exchange all of the belongings we have at each other's houses. I hate how much I already miss him.

This just sucks.