My greatest triumph

Today, I have been thinking a lot about this quote: "... the most triumphant moments are the days when I have no idea how I'm going to fix anything, but I get out of bed anyway." (It's from this great blog post.)

That's me right now. I have no idea what comes next for me and P -- it seems impossible that we could go back to where we were, and equally impossible that we'll have no relationship at all. We'll have to talk sometime soon ... there are work issues to figure out (does he come on an planned work trip in April? if not, how to explain the change in plans to the others involved?) and the dreaded exchange of stuff. I know I will lose it when I have to clear out my hard-won drawer. Him giving me that drawer meant so much.

I also have no idea what comes next in my career. Here, too, it seems all or nothing -- either I get the new internal position or I start looking to leave the company. As with P, I hope there's an alternative that I just can't see yet. My current company is such a safe place -- I think I'd have to assault the CEO to get fired -- and I need the financial security that it offers. But it's also not offering me the career satisfaction that the type A, first-born overachiever in me craves. And then there's all the history that looms when you've been somewhere for 12 years. You can't reinvent yourself. Plus, there's P.

For now, I am just focused on getting out of bed, getting through the day, and spending time with Lulu and Boo, who have no idea the comfort they provide.