The Painters Are Here!

Today is big day. You may recall that I have a slight interest in obsession with paint. Well, my painters are here for round 1 of a two-part painting extravaganza. Part 1, which will take three days, is my bedroom (including the hideous knotty-pine built-ins) and bathroom. Part 2, coming in April (to coincide with bonus time), will be the kitchen cabinets and walls, and the living/dining room, (which my mom, sister, and I painted when I moved in back in July, but the color is just not quite right and the painter is pretty cheap). There's really nothing like paint to transform a space, and somehow it recharges me mentally as well. I can't wait to see how it all comes together -- I've only spent about six months buying sample pots, studying blog and magazine photos, and pondering Moonshine vs Horizon vs Coventry Gray. I went with Ben. Moore Chelsea Gray (a medium true gray -- or so I hope!) on the bedroom walls with White Dove on the ceiling and Aura Sanctuary (a grayish purple) for the bathroom. Now is the moment of truth ... did I choose right?

Obsessing over paint and getting everything ready for the painters has prevented me from obsessing over P. I'm not sure what we're doing. We talked a long time on Tuesday night and I realized something pretty amazing and powerful ... I don't know what I want. And that's ... fine. I get so caught up in not wanting to make a(nother) mistake, not wanting to be taken for granted (again) ... just wanting to get. things. right. that I haven't spent enough time embracing the opportunity I have right now to take my time. There's no pressure on me or P to know what the future holds, no reason to make promises we both know all too well are much easier to say than to keep. I like P and I like having him in my life. The only question is what form that will take. And the only answer (right now at least) is I don't know.

So we've left things at that. We spent a lot of time together this weekend, much of it with my family (the first time he's been around my mom, stepdad, sister, and brother-in-law), and it was fun and relaxed and not weighed down by needing it to be anything more than a bunch of people having a good time. He stayed over Saturday night and it was so much fun watching him interact with Lulu and Boo in the morning. They climbed all over him, he pretended to be a horse bucking them off, I made everyone breakfast and then since it was such a gray, rainy day, we all curled up in my room and watched Enchanted.

It's not always as easy as it was this weekend, but I love (and will try to remember more often) that I am constantly learning. Whether it's a good weekend or an argument, I always come away seeing myself in a new light, with a new insight into some part of who I am in a relationship. Who knows? Maybe someday I will even know what I want.