What Goes Up ...

So all has been pretty quiet the past two weeks. P and I have been doing great -- he's been hanging out with the kids, helping me out with house stuff, took me out for my birthday ... just generally being"there" for me. ExH was behaving well and work was going fine. I finally felt settled and dare I say, happy.

But nothing good can stay, it seems. Today, I was supposed to go to New York for the day for an important meeting. ExH promised to be here by 7 so I could catch an 8 am train. I got up at 5:30, dressed in my chicest city outfit, got the kids up and dressed and fed and was ready to go by 6:55. Well, 7 came and went with no word, then 8, then 8:30, when we had to leave to get Lulu and Boo to school. Yet still nothing, despite a text and at least 7 phone calls. I apologized profusely to the colleague who I was supposed to be going with, and embarrassed, explained to my boss's boss why I was at the office instead of at the meeting.

Finally at 11:30, when I'm starting to wonder whether I should be calling hospitals, I get a text from him saying his phone had been on vibrate so he missed his alarm and all my calls. Awesome, right? I was (am) furious, not so much because I missed the meeting, but because I resent the hell out of him because he CAN be totally irresponsible. And the biggest consequence is that he pisses me off. He has no job, hasn't paid child support since June, yet has gone on several trips, and has zero responsibilities. While I have far too many. I wish I could have a day to just blow off my life, but I don't even have 10 minutes to break down in private. Not when my boss's boss yells at me (yeah, the day got even worse). Not when I come home to yet another bill I don't have money to pay. Not when I'm exhausted from working at night and not sleeping enough.

I am tired of doing everything on my own. I am tired of not being able to count on anyone. Yes, it's great that I can do it all on my own. But just once in awhile I wish I didn't have to.