Same Song, Second Verse

I've started to post a couple times this week, but things are still not going well, and somehow putting it in writing felt like it made it even worse. After a few days of truce, exH has started up with the nasty email rants. I wish I had followed my instincts to pack up and move out early, but I didn't and now I've just got to ride out the next 9 days until he leaves for a trip. Once he gets back, there will be just 3 days until we move.

For now, I am barely sleeping or eating. Even when he's out for the night, I still can't sleep without my bedroom door locked, a chair pushed up against it just in case, and a couple of Xanax to calm my anxiety. I am just so fearful that he will drink too much and show up at my door with his hateful, angry rants. I must seem crazy to some people -- P doesn't get it, for sure -- but whether or not my fears are rational, they are definitely real.

As I may have said here before, I've never been much for prayer or faith, but I don't mind telling you that I am praying now. ExH needs something good to happen. I need to sleep. We all need peace.