Miss Independent

Yesterday, P took me to a party with some of his college friends. I was surprised when he asked, and guessed that this wasn't something he usually did. And sure enough, as we were leaving to head to his friend's place, he mentioned that he never brings girls to parties. So I was nervous -- especially because there is just about nothing scarier for me than a party where I don't know anyone -- but everything went very well. I liked his friends and felt comfortable enough that I could hold my own when he wasn't around. He didn't abandon me or anything; I'm just glad he didn't feel like he had to be by my side all night. I saw a glimpse of the confident, cool, independent girlfriend I want to be with him.

I can't shake the feeling I've had the past few weeks that this is a real make-it-or-break-it time for me and P. I feel like he's weighing whether or not he can be the relationship type, and if he can, am I the right girl? Honestly, I don't know if I am or not, but I think I want to be. This afternoon when I left, I could tell he was getting restless with me there. I teased him that the most he could stand me was 24 hours, but there's some truth to that. I know it's not me -- I wasn't demanding attention or entertainment -- it's just that he needs time alone. I get that, and for once I didn't take it personally. I wasn't happy to leave him, but I felt good about recognizing his boundaries and being able to let him have the space he needs without it being a reflection on anything else. Yet another glimpse of that independent girl that just maybe I can be.