Wiped Out

This has been a tough week. It has been scary and overwhelming and emotional and a hard slap of reality. It has also reminded me that I can take care of myself and prompted me to remember that as bad as things feel right now, I've been through worse and made it out ok.

In his despair and anger over the divorce and losing his job, ExH turned on me in such a hateful, frightening (though not physical) way. It is sad to me that after making it through the last year and half, he has chosen to destroy the care and goodwill I had for him. Not to mention his refusal to pay child support even though he will get paid for two more months. But that's only money. The things he said were the real problem. He's calmed down a little now but I can't imagine that anything will be the same again.

It has really been a bad week. But it's just that -- a week, or at worst the three weeks until we can move. The money stuff will somehow work out. I can't spend my life bouncing from crisis to crisis ... just getting through the days. I want more for myself than that. So no more of this constant obsessing about money, or P, or exH. When it comes to money, all I can do is to work hard, be responsible and frugal, and prepare as best I can. No amount of hours spent staring at the ceiling worrying is going to magically double my bank account. P ... well, he is who he is and I have to accept that he probably won't change. He's been there for me as much as he can be, we've had some great times together, and I hope that will continue for awhile. If I need more at some point, well, I may have to move on. For exH, all I can do is be a good mother, try to be compassionate, and do what I need to do to protect myself and my kids from his troubles.

Here's to a better week ahead.