Got Any Grapes?

Yesterday, R sent me a link to The Duck Song, which his kids love. Go ahead, watch it if you have a sec. If you don't have time, or like me, refuse to click on most of the links people recommend, here's a brief recap. A cute, but annoying duck waddles up to a lemonade stand and asks for grapes. The nice man explains that he doesn't sell grapes, only lemonade. The scene is repeated day after day and the nice man becomes increasingly irritated with this obtuse duck who just doesn't get it.


My initial reaction was to be a bit irked with R for making me watch this inane video. My second reaction was to hope that Boo never sees it, as we already play our our own little version of this drama every day when he insists on eating or wearing something that I just don't have at the moment. Over and over.
But after pondering it overnight, I had a revelation. I'm the duck. Stick with me here, you might be a duck too. How many times have I persisted in asking or hoping for something from someone that they simply don't have to give? Take ExH. For years, I asked him for time, attention, involvement in our life together. I asked him to get help for his ADD, anger, and drinking issues. I asked him to be engaged and loving to our children. I asked over and over, for years and years. And nothing ever changed. Because he was simply not capable of giving me those things. Yet I kept asking, growing increasingly angry and unhappy.
Now, this is not to excuse his behavior or in any way suggest that I should have put up and shut up. It's just to help understand my actions in the situation. It seems clear to me now that I was just as irrational in some ways as I thought he was. What I wanted and needed was perfectly reasonable, but what sane person repeatedly asks for grapes at a lemonade stand? It seems to me that a sane person (or duck!) would do one of the following things:

1. Walk away and head to the nearest produce stand.

2. Decide lemonade might be as satisfying as grapes and enjoy a glass.

3. Ask whether the lemonade stand would consider stocking grapes (if not, see #1).

It's like Einstein's famous definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I've been doing this with P, too, and not surprisingly, every time he failed to produce the grapes, I was disappointed. But still I kept going back, day after day, hoping the results would somehow change. No wonder I was making myself crazy!
(Now, if you watched the clip, you might wonder how the ending fits with my analogy. It doesn't really. Sorry to disappoint!)