So Here We Are

You know that old saying "wherever you go, there you are"? Well, here we are on the other side of what may have been the most challenging, exhausting month of my adult life. We are moved in (mostly, please ignore the 20 or so unpacked boxes scattered about), and more importantly, moved out. The old place is clean and empty and ready for the impending Canadian invasion. I feel a lot of things right now ... relieved, bone-tired, satisfied, alone (in a good way), alone (in a bad way), disoriented, and at home.

Overall, moving went as well as it could, and there were a few surprises along the way.

1. ExH was incredibly helpful, thoughtful, and kind. Whether he was feeling remorse for his behavior or started taking his medication again, I don't know, but he was (and no, I can't believe I'm saying this either) a godsend. He took my car to get fixed when the battery died the day before the move (and waited for it for four hours), packed up the last of the kitchen for me, did all sorts of little last-minute tasks, dealt with the movers, and most importantly, kept me company throughout the entire 12-hour process. Whatever he's done in the past and will undoubtedly do in the future, I'm grateful for those two days.

2. God, I have a lot of stuff. While not exactly headline news, I was completely floored by how many boxes I ended up needing (and now, unpacking).

3. Painting ceilings can cause you to lose sensation in several fingers on your right hand ... which has still not come back after almost a week. Also, painting ceilings should never, ever, ever be attempted at night. Just take my word on that please.

4. I need a wheelbarrow. Now THAT is a phrase this city girl never thought she would say.

5. It is substantially harder to move furniture on carpet than it is on hardwood. See Exhibits A and B, my very bruised legs.

The good news (other than that it's over!) is that the kids' rooms came out so well and they were absolutely thrilled. Boo's room is still waiting on Superman and Batman to join Spidey on the walls, but otherwise they are done. Please note, the yellow is much warmer and softer than it came out in the photo. Oddly, the pink is pretty accurate.

The rest of the house is a work in progress. I'm pleased but not overjoyed with how my living room colors turned out. I played it safe with lighter shades, which while pretty, don't have quite the impact I envisioned. So there may be some repainting in my near future.

You may notice that P is pretty much absent from this post. The weekend before I moved, he was so helpful and we had a fabulous few days together until right before he left on Sunday. We got into the stupidest argument ever (which was I'm guessing, in the tradition of all great stupid arguments, really about something else entirely, though I can't say what) and then I barely saw him last week. Not even a quick email or IM to check in on me during the move, or to ask about weekend plans, nothing.

I think I may be ready, finally, to let P go. It's so hard and sad because there's so much that's great with us. But I feel like I am holding up the entire relationship and my arms are tired. I wish so much that P could be what I need him to be, but it seems increasingly clear (and if I'm honest, it always was) that he's just not willing or able to be that guy. I don't blame him -- he is who he is -- and I am grateful for all that I have learned from him and all he has done and been for me. He's one of the coolest people I've ever met and if this is really it, I will miss him and our long talks about nothing and everything.