But ...
The rest of the week? Monday through Friday? It's like I don't exist. I rarely hear from him unless I reach out first. Even then, I don't always get a response to my IMs or emails. When I see him at work, there's no sign of the guy I see on the weekends. Of course, not many people at work know we're dating, so it's not like I expect him to make any big gestures, but there's literally nothing except the occasional passing smile. We don't go for coffee or lunch together. He rarely stops by or makes any contact. Few if any emails or IMs. No "I miss yous". If we do see each other during the week, it's because I ask. And when we do, it's great. See above. But it's always me who initiates it.
How do our amazing weekends vanish from his memory on Monday mornings? It's so confusing ... does he never think about me during the week? Is he just too busy to be bothered? Do the incredible weekends make him pull back? I know he doesn't go out most nights. I'm pretty sure there's no one else. I don't need to be with him every single minute, but I do want a boyfriend more than once a week. I want to be part of his life (and for him to be part of mine) all the time, not just on weekends. I've told him before that I would like to hear from him more often. It helped ... a little. He went from zero to one IM during the week.
What do you guys think? What would you do if you were me? Should I just be happy with the stellar weekends?
Posts
Wow... sounds a little... emotionally unavailable. Have you read the Baggage Reclaim site? She really helped me to see what was going on in my last relationship. Dunno but you might read over there and see if anything rings true.
ReplyDeleteSounds like pretty damn awesome weekends though. Have you asked him why he's like that during the week? Instead of telling him what you'd like, ask him for his thoughts?
Thanks for commenting on the blog!
Yeah, I do fear he's emotionally unavailable ... except for how great he is when we're together. It's confusing. I like the suggestion of asking him what's going on during the week. I think I'll try that this weekend before I leave on Sunday.
ReplyDeleteIt is very similar to what I am currently experiencing. The whole context is different, but his behaviour is exactly the same. It last for more than a year now. When I addressed my issue with S.( your P. analog) and even broke with him, he started blowing hot like crazy and I fall back. And it did happen 3-4 times over a year now. Different scenario, but the big pictures is the same.
ReplyDeleteNow, my personal opinion: a particular type of men (EUM, AC?) ) have the ability to separate feelings and the rest of their life. In your case it could be that he really likes you, enjoy you and even has lots of feelings for you, dont want to lose you and so on... But the way your relationship is now is very satisfeasable for him and that is how he wants your relationship to be. That is why, when you asked for interracting during the week, he did the minimum to keep things "status quo".
Now, accroding to what we discussed on Baggage Reclaim, you should take the responsabilty of your wellfare yourself. Most likely you feel "used" and the joy of the weekend does not balance the disappointment of the weekdays. Right? I also would suggest to raise this question with P., but please as cool as possible (no drama), almost theoretically. You could also mention in a very relaxing way that you are not very comfortable with this type of the relationship, being for the first time in it and see his reaction (not immediat, but general). Good luck and let us know.
Inna
Inna, thanks so much for your comment! I don't feel used at all (I would be long gone if I did!). It's really just that I want our great connection to carry through even when we aren't together. He may be emotionally unavailable (or at least emotionally slow!); he may just, as you say, separate out his feelings for me and happiness with me from the rest of his life. I'm not sure. My thought is to bring it up as a previous commenter suggested -- as a conversation about what he's thinking/feeling during the week rather than me presenting things I would like him to change. If he is truly happy with things as they are and the weekday distance is due to being busy or tired or just needing alone time, I think I could be fine with that. I've got a busy life, too. But if it seems like an indication that he's not fully invested in this, or isn't interested in what's going on with me ... that's where I'd really reconsider where I am with him and what I need.
ReplyDelete