And Here We Go Again

Here's a piece of advice for you: never, never, never say you're happy. OK, well that may be a bit extreme, but at least if you're me, it bears remembering. Because the moment I look around and say, hey, things are good right now, I actually feel happy ...? They fall apart.

So last weekend was awesome. And Wednesday night, also awesome. P took me out to my favorite restaurant to celebrate my divorce and we had so much fun during and after dinner. Thursday and Friday I was literally beaming I was so happy. I couldn't wait to see P again on Saturday night, sleep over, and spend a lazy Sunday morning with him. Then came Saturday morning and a text from P, asking if we could skip our date that night. He had overindulged the night before, hadn't gotten any sleep, and was exhausted. I wasn't mad, but I was incredibly bummed. Not only was I not going to get to see him, but I was going to have to hang out at home instead of getting a much-needed break from exH and the kids. And all because he acted like an idiot Friday night. I tried to play it cool, but P knew I was upset. He apologized and we agreed to hang out on Sunday. I was still pretty unhappy that night, but I resolved to get past it and have a good day.

But the minute I got to his place on Sunday, something was off. I felt a little uncomfortable and I was quieter than usual. P asked if I was still mad, I said no, but he kept insisting I was. I offered to leave because it was just so awkward. We ended up arguing about the day before -- he thought I overreacted, I explained why I had been upset (sad not to see him, bummed about having to stay home and I was clear with him that the latter was not his problem, just a result of my awkward living situation). We eventually got through it and hung out the rest of the day, but it just didn't feel right. I don't want to try to get into P's head or anything, but I feel like we're both struggling. He seems to be struggling with what it means to be in a relationship again -- how does he maintain his freedom and independence while also being with me. I am struggling not to rush things, to take my time (lots of time!) to find out if this is a person I want to share a life with. The good news is that we are both trying to work it out instead of giving up.

So. We are back to the NWO. I am going to (continue to) give P space and focus (still, more) on building up my life outside of him. Saturday wouldn't have been so tough if I had other friends to go out with. Whether or not things ultimately work out with P, I can't be so reliant on him for my social life. Still, making friends at 35 is tough, and it's even tougher when you're divorced -- any suggestions?