D-Day

One year, four months, and fourteen days after exH stormed out on a random, ordinary Saturday night after a random, ordinary argument, which was so odd and out of the blue that I panicked and checked his email where I found dozens of notes revealing an affair with a colleague, we're finally divorced. I expected to feel sad or relieved or exhausted or nostalgic or ... well, SOMETHING. But I really felt nothing. I gave about 5 minute of testimony in front of the judge and it was done and I went on with my day. I wonder if it will hit me later, or ever.

The strangest thing about all of this is how different my life is now than it was on February 7, 2009. You know from reading here that it's tough sometimes. I get lonely and sad and borderline crazy at times (ok, many times). But I felt all those things while I was with exH, too. Only I was scared, too, and even more lonely because there is nothing lonelier than feeling alone with someone else in the same room. The difference is that now, sometimes, I also have FUN. I have a standing Saturday night date. I enjoy things like drinking and sex that had become minefields with exH. I lost 10 pounds, started exercising, and look great in a bikini. I am not always or even often happy, but I am far happier with who I am and how I am living my life than I have been in probably a decade.

So here's to day 1 of my life as a single girl!