And Now a Word From Dr. Phil ...

Back before Dr. Phil turned into Jerry Springer, way back when he was just a guest on Oprah, he actually had some great relationship advice. My favorite: Would you rather be right or be happy? Not, you know, that I live it, but it's totally true. Another little gem: Act as if. And finally, this pearl (and I paraphrase): The only way to change someone else is to change yourself.

That last one may not be original, but it's incredibly powerful. We all know you can't change another person, right? But what you can change is the dynamic between you. If you change your behavior, 9 times out of 10, the other person will change how they react to you. I wish I had fully understood that principle, oh, say 20 years ago. Have you ever seen it in action? It's truly amazing. It works with lovers, friends, kids, coworkers ... people are powerless NOT to change their behavior toward you once you've changed how you treat them.

Which brings us to my weekend with P. After getting past the initial post-fight-are-we-OK? jitters Thursday, I was looking forward to my Saturday night date with P. He'd spend the day at work and was happy to kick back and relax too. I was determined that no matter what happened, we would not fight or argue ... I would not so much as look at him funny. I needed to see that we could just have fun. And we had a blast. We walked over to our new favorite hangout, a burger joint around the corner from his place, had dinner and a few beers and then went home and watched Couples Retreat. (Pretty funny movie if you're a fan of Vince Vaughn and company.) This morning we woke up, did some work for our big launch this week, ran some errands, and got some lunch. Nothing too exciting, but it was easy and laid-back and ... FUN. It reminded me of all the ways P and I are good together.

Walking back from lunch, I was thinking how easy the weekend had been. I hadn't had to suppress any worries or frustrations. I wasn't once tempted to bring up a problem. P must have gotten suspicious because when I went to kiss him goodbye he grabbed me and said, smiling, "we didn't fight at all this weekend ... were you on your best behavior?" I smiled back and said I'd had a great time and that I simply didn't want to fight with him anymore. He looked puzzled, as if he wasn't quite sure what that meant. "Wait," he said as I headed out, "when are we hanging out again? Tuesday? Wednesday?"

I about fainted right there. Now, many of you will not appreciate the magnitude of P -- commitment-phobe in all matters, including committing to plans more than a day ahead, and who has maybe twice in nearly six months initiated plans with me  -- actually asking me to go out, and on a specific night no less! I'm sure I looked as shocked as I felt, and I can't even remember what he said next. But I promised to consult exH's schedule and get back to him with a day that we can go out to celebrate my divorce being finally final (tomorrow is the big day!).

And all of this came after P suggested I leave a bathing suit at his place so we could hang out at his pool over the summer. I teased him, saying I thought that leaving actual clothing at his place might cause him panic attacks, but that I would settle for keeping a toothbrush there. He laughed and said I could leave anything I wanted.

None of this may seem like a big deal, and I promise you I am trying hard not to read too much into it, merely remarking on what has to be the biggest change in behavior that I have noticed in P since he first asked me out. Back then, I was startled to find that he wasn't at all like the work nemesis I had seen him as for years. And now? I don't know what to think. My beloved (but frustratingly passive and confrontation-averse) P, voluntarily bringing up last weekend's drama? Inviting me to leave clothes and makeup at his place? Chasing after me to make plans days in advance? Who IS this guy? Hard to imagine that it's all because I decided to chill out for a few days. But ... maybe?

Thanks, Dr. Phil!