A Pretty Good Time

Oh readers, when will I learn? Drinking + serious conversations with P = a mess. Last night, I went out for drinks with P and another coworker, B. We had a great time, but P and I both drank too much. I had decided to hold off on talking to him about the WW situation for another time, but of course once we got back to his place, I blurted out the whole thing, sobbing. P tried to comfort me and said all the right things in terms of how he feels about her and how he feels about me -- and I believed him -- but I don't know if it's enough. He's not going to stop spending all that time with her (and yes, she did go with him to get his hair cut) and even though I believe that there is nothing romantic going on, it's not going to hurt any less to know he's doing all those things with her and not me.

R asked an interesting question -- would I be as upset if WW were a guy? -- and I have to admit that it wouldn't bother me as much. And if we didn't work together, I might never even know she existed. They don't hang out or even talk on nights and weekends, so it would probably not even be a factor if I didn't see him during the day.

I still don't know what I am going to do. I left last night in tears amid kisses and apologies from P, who seemed genuinely shocked and sorry that the haircut thing had hurt me so much. I told him when I left that I would try to deal with it and we made tentative plans for the weekend. But I don't know if I can.

One the one hand, I do believe him that the relationship is platonic. He obviously has the right to have friends other than me, and they have a 7-year history of getting lunch together and going to the gym and, apparently, getting haircuts together. I believe him when he says he is not choosing her over me, but just doing what they've always done. He certainly spends plenty of time with me, too. I believe him when he says there is room for both of us in his life.

On the other hand, it hurts to see them together and it hurts that he is doing things with her that I think he should be doing with me  and I don't know how to not hurt over it. I know that if I can't find a way to change my feelings about the situation that it will take over our relationship. I don't want to keep having the same conversation over and over again.

He did say last night that we needed to talk once we were sober, but I don't know what else to ask to help me understand and accept. He has said repeatedly that there is no sexual or romantic aspect to their relationship. He said that if she were to leave her husband tomorrow, he would not be interested that kind of relationship with her. He said he loves me and that I am not his second choice. He is sorry he hurt me. He doesn't want me to leave. What else should I ask?